I don't know about you but I've been feeling burnt out. I feel like I'm hitting up against a wall from feeling frustrated and tired. There's a part of me that wants to write a blog and another part of me that wants to enjoy the evening and go to bed. As I was fighting my parts back and forth, I said, you know why not just write a blog about feeling burned out?
You know, it's not easy to slow down, that's what I realized as a therapist in private practice. There are emails to get back to, there is marketing, there's networking, there's training, and also clients' clinical sessions. Slowing down is a privilege that a lot of us do not have when we have bills to pay or a demanding job like finance (lots of long hours) or when you are a business owner or CEO of your own company.
I have a lot of empathy now that I am on the other side. I keep thinking about the client who told me, that when he did not feel well, a headache coming, he would pop a Tylenol and go to bed, vs. trying to barrel through the task.
I'm thinking about my therapist and what she said to me that my whole life has been about surviving and "barreling through" whenever I had to overcome a problem. I look now and see that's a "setup" for burnout but also success and overachieving.
I also see that perfectionism can be a poison we feed ourselves. I grew up very Asian, Cantonese to be specific. The only grade acceptable was 100. I think our immigrant parents set us up for failure and lifelong anxiety and shame for not being able to be "100" or "perfect" all the time.
We push and we push until we cannot anymore. I've been watching this new Netflix show with my favorite actress called "Love Next Door". I'm very delighted with the character because she is relatable in that she went to America got a good job and engaged. But she was fired after being not a good team player and "burned out" and her fiance cheated on her. When she came back to Korea, she lied, and there was so much shame from her family that she was out of a job and not engaged. She spent her days just sticking her head out the window of the bus riding it over and over again. I have so much empathy for this character. I think about the "Model Minority Myth" and the pride a lot of our parents have from comparing us to other Asian kids. It breaks us down, and break each other by competing. There's no space and time to smell the flowers.
I had the chance to go to the arcade recently and it's become a fun hobby. I was able to take a childhood friend with me. And we had a lot of fun. I think the reason is because it's healing our inner child. It's what we wished our Chinese immigrant parents would've done, have fun with us and play games to win plushies instead of working 7 days a week, 365 days. It's allowing myself to be a child again, and to just show up and have fun with no responsibilities.
To summarize, I think it important to admit that we live in a capitalistic culture and society that demands a lot from us and it is ok to admit that we hit a wall and we are burnt out. I think it is the gentle "allowing" of melting the defenses of "I need to...", and "I should.." that gives us the freedom to slow down and take a minute to breathe, it's okay not to be okay. Its okay to admit that we are tired as fuck.
If you are burn out high achiever and want a Asian American therapist in NYC or New Jersey that could not only understand but relate because I've gone through burn out and healed many times in my career, please contact me to book a free 15 minutes consultation.
