You are busy between the divorce, kids, and full time job while trying to take care of yourself by going the gym and trying to eat healthy. Your friend tell you to do see a therapist but that is a big investment of time and energy you do not have. You feel like a bottle with tons of holes taped together with duct tape.

Here's what people do not tell you about divorce, you also lose your best friend. You lose a spouse that you can confide in or just running home after work to have someone waiting for you. It is a loss and the grief you go through comes in emotional waves. Some days you are hopeful, some days are you are spiteful, and some days you are depressed and hopeless. It is a death of a relationship.

A good therapist will allow space for you to process the grief and loss and undo the aloneness. Some people develop unhealthy coping defenses to deal with the pain. Some people go on dating apps and sleep with a bunch of emotionally unavailable people. Some people travel and spend a bunch of money. Some people shop and buy to fill the void and pain.

There is bad pain and good pain. If you rely on drinking alcohol or getting high to feel numb or nothingness, that is bad pain. If you are able to cry and release the emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, guilt and shame. I could help you regulate and tolerate sitting with the anxiety and grief that comes with divorce and make it manageable.

You may ask, Shanni, what's the point of feeling all these emotions if my marriage is fucking over already? Its not going to change anything.

Well, here's the thing, if you are cut off from feeling emotions, the cost of not feeling or avoiding sadness/anger etc, is not having close intimate relationship with people, and also more likely to have panic attacks, dissociation, and numbness. It also numb feelings of joy, clarity, openness, and aliveness. In result, you are dead inside like a zombie and miserable as fuck.

Going to therapy is a vulnerable thing, and learning about yourself and your emotions can stir feelings in you. Being aware of emotions is the first step. I can help you find parts of yourself that you avoided and make sense of early childhood experiences that affected your marriage.

If you heard enough, and suffered enough, and read enough, and want to work with a divorce counseling therapist, please feel free to contact me for a free 15 minutes phone consultation. I'm excited to be your guide to heal from divorce, and find clarity and experience joy and peace again. I will also be starting a Divorce Support Group in the fall as well, please also inquire if interested.