How Does Being Cheated On Change You?
Being cheated on is one of the most painful-est feelings in the world, if you were here and you googled this question, you would know, that it feels like someone stabbed you in the heart a million times and you feel like your soul left your body and the relationship is dead inside. Or it feels like your world is crumbling and shattered into a million pieces. You are left with grief and a great sense of feeling “not retractable”, meaning your relationship has changed and you cannot go back to the way things were. It is the ultimate betrayal by the person you feel safest, loved, and trusted. It is also extremely lonely as there is shame when you talk about it with your friends or family because they would judge you for staying or hate your partner for cheating. Maybe your friends and family would not understand and feel you don’t respect yourself enough to leave your partner.
So the short answer is yes. Being cheated on will change you and will change your relationship. Some relationships and marriages will not survive infidelity but some do. Those relationships and marriages that survive infidelity require lots of hard emotional work and willingness to look at why the partner cheated in the first place. Cheating is a symptom but not the underlying issue.
- You will go through five stages of grief and loss and not in any particular order. The five stages are denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, and acceptance.
- Being cheated on is extremely traumatic. You will have symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hypervigilance. Sometimes you will feel so emotionally unsafe that you feel paranoia and have to get reassurance or check your partner’s phone. Some days you feel hopeless.
- There is a fear of intimacy and trust. Because it is so painful to be cheated on, the body remembers and tries to numb and forget. You will build a wall and protect yourself by not allowing others to get close to you or be extremely anxious and constantly seeking validation and assurance.
- You may feel shame or disillusionment. It also affects your self-esteem. You will blame yourself and ask sometimes “Am I not enough for my partner?” Or even the question “Did this person love me or was this real?”
- You may feel like you can not trust your decision and self-doubt. Your reality is questioned and you are often lost and confused. There’s a part of you that screams I want to get the fuck out of this relationship and another part of you that loves your partner and want to stay especially if you have a house, kids, and decades of history together.
I offer EMDR intensive therapy to process being cheated on. Through the EMDR intensive sessions (90 minutes for three sessions), you will have clarity and process the trauma of being cheated on and heal. This also works if you had a terrible breakup where you were cheated and it is affecting your current dating situation or new relationship. Book a free 15-minute consultation to see if I can help you!
If you need an NYC relationship counseling therapist who understands you and helps you with processing infidelity and breakup, go ahead and please contact me. I am here with you to undo the aloneness. <3
