Two trauma therapist friends recommended this book to me, and I finally got a chance to read it this weekend and share my thoughts. Yay!
I am a therapist who specializes in trauma and uses it for dating and relationships. I also have a similar experience of C-PTSD as Stephanie Foo growing up with my parents so it was very refreshing to read her story of finding help.
The theme of invisibility of trauma, that although she was in therapy for so many years never figured it out is very common. It is not until the last 5-7 years that trauma has been a big topic in the psychotherapy field. When I was starting as a clinician, it was not as popular. I can also understand from her therapist Samntha's perspective not to give her the diagnosis because it can scare the patient away and affect the treatment if there's no relationship with the therapist yet in the beginning.
I think the first few chapters were the hardest to read. She goes into detail about the emotional and physical abuse she endured in childhood. Reading was triggering, and I had to skip some parts.
Out of all the trauma books, this one is easiest to read and relatable. I have recommended this book to a lot of my clients so they can understand trauma better. Oftentimes, therapists use fancy schmancy words, and readers get lost. I think this book is easy to read and highly relatable.
The part where she cut her father out is a very useful chapter. A lot of times in therapy, I help clients especially Asian Americans decide if they want to maintain a relationship or cut off their parents or how to have a healthier relationship with boundaries.
My favorite chapter was the last chapter when she finds a therapist that was relational and psychoanalytical. It was very validating to me as a therapist because I practice somatically, relationally, experientially, and psychodynamically just like her therapist. I saw a lot of the therapy was similar to my style where sometimes I videotape sessions and I work relationally with the client with self-disclosure to undo aloneness and also track moment to moment what is happening in the room. I also really like that her therapist Dr. Ham charged the same fee as me, so that is also validating to me. I appreciate Stephanie explaining why it is so hard for therapists to take insurance.
If you really enjoyed What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo and looking for a similar therapist like Dr. Ham to help with complex trauma or just want an Asian American therapist in NYC who could understand and help you have a healthy relationship with your Asian parents, let me help with boundaries and also help you heal from trauma. please contact me to book a free 15-minute intro call with me
