I've come very far as my bank account in my twenties only had 3K and a whole bunch of student loans. Its hard to talk about money really, but I do believe the more we talk about it in therapy the more healing it can be. What took me very long to build wealth was money trauma that was holding me back, I was spending paycheck to paycheck and never believing that I would own a house or anything in my life, so I might as well just "enjoy life" buy bunch of clothes and designer items or go on trips.
Growing up in a immigrant household, there was a lot of messages received from my mother, and grandfather. For one, I remember every Sunday my grandfather would take me to dim sum, but he only allowed me to order 4 dishes and he would stomp his feet and shame me! Of course looking back now, it made sense as my mother was a sole breadwinner, and working minimum wage and long hours to support us three in a tiny basement apartment, 4 dishes, no more than $20 is all my grandfather's allowance could afford. Now when I go dim sum, I order lots and lots of dishes, maybe too much to compensate for it! Looking back..I can't help but to think, maybe that was why I dated some men that was very cheap towards me in the past, grandpa set a bad example that I did not deserve to be treated with nice things. We get mental blocks and false money beliefs based on our past experiences and the messages that adults send to us. I fight them everyday so I can climb another level in my business.
Money shows up clinically and represent a lot of the stories of how our parents told us and we believe it was true. Your relationship with money can affect how you manage your finances or avoid looking at your bank account because it stresses you out! Money is a blank canvas, and it reflects emotions you have towards it, some examples of emotions are anxiety, shame, fear, anger. You may feel anxious about spending money. You may feel shame for having money while the rest of your family are struggling. You may feel angry that you are struggling but you see rich kids living in penthouse with their parent's money. You may have fear about being laid off, or never having enough money.
For me, I had extreme fear of poverty and the "rubber band" on going back to my childhood where I saw my mother struggle working long hours and living in dingy basements with no windows. I worked through a lot of my money fears in therapy and it allowed me to heal. I think the stories that my immigrant mother and grandfather told me were that money is scarce and you must conserve it, but also at the same time, money was spent in very expensive things such as sea cucumbers, fish, nice clothes, at one point I had 4 laptops! It was confusing growing up like that and I did not know I was poor because materialistically I was satisified and was fed very well.
Through therapy and self reflection, I realized even if I have a million dollars in my bank account I would not feel like it is enough and that it could disappear any minute. This is an example of what I mean by money trauma, symptom of trauma is when you feel when something good happens, it can be taken away or just anxiously waiting for the shoe to drop.
I also have some books that I recommend for you that has helped me:
Get Rich Lucky Bitch By Denise Duffield
We Should All Be Millionaires By Rachel Rodgers
The Do's And Don'ts of Money By Suze Orman
You Are Badass At Making Money By Jen Sincero
My next read would be Rich AF by Vivan Tu
If you felt like you can relate to my money story and want to heal your money blocks
money counseling can help. Contact me and let’s chat.
