Trauma in a relationship can be many things including cheating, losing a partner to an accident or illness (cancer, etc.), ghosting, emotional abuse (narcissistic abuse), physical abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, etc. Some of the symptoms of a traumatic relationship are hypervigilance, low self-worth, low self-esteem, shame, nightmares, depression (feeling stuck and trapped), and lack of self-control (helplessness).
If you are in a relationship that feels like a dead-end and toxic, you may need much support and guidance to get out of the relationship. The first step is education and finding information. The second step is having the awareness and vocabulary to understand what is happening. The third step is listening to your body and noticing how “unsafe” or “safe” you feel with your partner. The fourth step is seeking out a professional therapist like me who specializes in relationships and trauma to help you figure out if you want to leave the relationship or get couples therapy to heal the relationship so you are not hurting anymore.
If you are out of the relationship that was traumatic but may still experience what I call residual trauma, having nightmares, anxiety, fear of abandonment, or mistrust of your current partner, or find it hard to date again. What would be helpful would be journaling and meditating. Take the time to process and be alone with your feelings, thoughts, and body. There are a lot of podcasts and books on trauma and dating, one that I recommend is “It’s Not You” by Ramani Durvasula. You may feel triggered at times by old memories or reminders (places and things you have been to with your partner). It is important to have resourcing and self-soothing tools when you are triggered such as deep and slow breathing, grounding (looking at nature and finding five things you can see, smell, hear, touch, or feel), and also having a friend you can call and talk to for support.
I offer a form of trauma therapy called EMDR that helps process traumatic memories for 3 sessions of 90 minutes. Also, AEDP therapy helps heal relational trauma such as anxious and avoidant attachment through our relationship as therapist and client together. I am also trained psychoanalytically to help you understand why you keep falling for men or women who are emotionally unavailable and help you dig deep into father and mother wounds.
If you need an NYC relationship counseling therapist who would help you every step of the way to figure this out and guide you gently and slowly but may not be ready to take the first leap, feel free to contact me or a book a free 15 minutes phone consultation, I can give you my recommendations on where to start or what type of treatment is best for you.
