Asian Identity and Self-Worth Is Tied To Work
I noticed that a lot of my Asian clients are feeling burnt out and overworked whether it's in school or their career. There's anxiety and depression that gets develop as a result of overachieving and perfectionism. It did not make sense until another client told me "Shanni, I'm sure you know this but our self-worth and identity are tied to our work."
I was shocked and the wheels in my head were turning. I remember when I was trying to heal from my burnout after 2021 I did not have any hobbies or interests. When I was in school I was very focused on grades, and getting into college. Then when I finished college I was very focused on getting a job and then getting a promotion. It's a never-ending goalpost until you stop and think, what is this all for?
I have money and a career, and on the outside life is perfect, but why am I so sad and worried all the time? It's harder to quit a job or even say "no" when your identity is tied to your job. Also your self-worth. Who are you without good grades? Who are you without your high-paying job? You are nobody. Ouch. When you are with your Asian friends and family, you talk about your job, your vacation, and your home. I think the more you have to lose, the more pressure you have to only succeed. This only way is to succeed. This type of thinking and over-working only takes you so far until you are burnt out and have to reconsider a different route.
It's not our immigrant parent's fault, they taught us how to be successful make money and have a good career, but they have not taught us how to be happy, politically active, and build a purposeful meaningful life. We learn how to make our parents happy but not what makes us happy. Being happy is not a priority.
Sometimes you may find yourself filling that void by buying things you do not need, or traveling but what you are yearning for is emotional connection, belonging, and undoing aloneness that was missing in your childhood.
If you really resonate with what I wrote here and is looking Asian American therapist in NYC who can help you understand your Asian American Identity, let me help you explore deeper and heal burnout. please contact me to book a free 15-minute intro call with me
