It is very painful and lonely to be an Asian American women in America. I re-read the book 3 years later for my Book Group, by the way, if you are interested, we are starting enrollment in March 2024. Cathy Park Hong was able to articulate and describe how it feels in an unapologetic way. When I first read this book it was in 2021, in the midst of the pandemic, riot, anti-asian hate and felt very disconnected and dissociated but now that I headed it again in 2023, I am able to connect with it more and understand what she was saying. Her brutal honesty is quite refreshing. I do believe timing is everything, if this book was released in the 90's it would not have been as popular because racism and the Asian American experience was not as talked about, but I could be wrong.

Cathy talked about finding an Korean American Therapist, she had an consultation with her, and left voicemails, but the Korean therapist by the fake name "Eunice Cho" said "Cathy, I appreciate you enthusiasm, but its best you find another therapist."

The NYC Asian American therapist did not disclose why she was not a good fit for her, and said I have another patient waiting, and Cathy replied "Don't fuck her up too!"

As an NYC Asian American Therapist, who took insurance and now file for out of network reimbursement, and also see a lot of Asian American Women clients, I would have disclose a little more information as I understand the confidentiality part and our training but I did not like how the therapist Eunice handled the situation. Cathy was so vulnerable and depressed, and felt so rejected.

So you may ask, Shanni, WHY? Here are some of my hypothesis:

1) Therapist Eunice may actually be seeing someone that is related to Cathy, as the Asian American community is only two degree of separation, and if she disclose that, she would have broken HIPAA.

2) Countertransference, meaning feelings you may get that remind you of the past, that you get from clients, the therapist may not have dealt with her own issues of race or cannot fully separate or see Cathy's problem neutrally, what I call "too close to home".

3) that's all, I just wanted to list three reasons.

Second thing she talked about was she ended up with a Jewish American therapist and in her book, Cathy said sometimes seeing an Asian American Therapist is a easy way out, as you don't have to explain anything but there is value in explaining culture. But I sometimes see the affinity, or similarities, a lot of clients assume "I get it" but everybody experience being Asian in America differently. There is plus and minus to seeing an Asian American therapist or seeing a non Asian American therapist but what is more important is the therapist openness to learning about you and the relationship, and feeling safe in the room. But on the flip side, explaining racism to a therapist who is colorblind may also arise another problem. I will drop Cathy's quote here

"Patiently educating a clueless white person about race is draining. It takes all your powers of persuasion. Because it's more than a chat about race. It's ontological. It's like explaining to a person why you exist, or why you feel pain, or why your reality is distinct from their reality. Except it's even trickier than that. Because the person has all of Western history, politics, literature, and mass culture on their side, proving that you don't exist." - Cathy Park Hong

If you are exploring options for a Asian American Therapist in NYC, let’s connect. Find an Asian American therapist that understands you and is willing to learn.